


Till I Go Back To Sleep

by creeper_gavin



Series: I'm Only Human [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Angst, Blood, Domestic Fluff, Fake AH Crew, Fluff, Freewood-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Insomniac Ryan, Multi, Panic Attacks, Self destructive Gavin, Sleep Deprivation, Sleep deprived Gavin, Violence, Workaholic Gavin, gavin centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 23:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creeper_gavin/pseuds/creeper_gavin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>' “Ryan, you know I’ll sleep when I need it.” Gavin complains a little, trying to pull free from Ryan even if he’s not putting in as much effort as he could be. “Why are you blocking me in the kitchen?” He asks.</p><p>“Gavin, it’s been four days since you’ve slept.” Ryan tells him and Gavin catches the lick of concern in his voice, lips pressing into what he can only assume is a mess of what he’s trying to call a hair style.</p><p>“I hadn’t noticed.” Gavin admits in a sheepish mumble and suddenly Ryan’s arms tighten protectively. “Rye, I’m okay.” He chuckles softly to shrug off the wave of concern that Ryan’s body language is almost drowning him in. '</p><p>When Gavin forgoes sleep in favour of working, it's up to Ryan to make him rest. It's a routine they're easily used to when the rest of the crew are sound asleep in their bed made for seven</p>
            </blockquote>





	Till I Go Back To Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! wash-your-sinful-hands on tumblr requested "Anything Gavin centric. Just fuck me up" which I do believe is a perfect excuse to whack out some Gavin angst that I've been keeping to myself for a while and an idea I've been wanting to share.
> 
> This work is the first in a series that's going to be all Gavin angst, focusing on his self-destrutive tendencies because of his workaholic attitude. There'll be seven one shots when I'm done in this series. One for each of Gavin's boyfriends in AHOT7 and then a special last story.

 

Gavin’s head falls forward and he startles himself awake with a singular snore. Eyes barely open he moves a hand forward, knocking over empty cans in an attempt to find his energy drink. When nothing connects with his palm he rubs his eyes hard and pushes himself to his feet.

Time for another two a.m. kitchen raid.

His eyes fall closed half way out of his office but he’s only aware of it when his face smashes into the door frame and his eyelids spring open in shock. Gavin rubs at the bridge of his nose with a small groan.

He stumbles out into the kitchen of the penthouse, feet dragging carelessly behind as he pries his eyes open and tries to combat the exhaustion. The fridge light blinds him as he opens the door but he’s too tired to complain about it, throwing an arm up to his face lazily and emitting a small grunt.

He reaches for an energy drink that’s chilling in the door bit as he pulls it from its place, hand raising to snap the can open, a stranger’s hand pushes it away.

“You’ve got to sleep.” Comes a voice, but Gavin shakes his head.

“I’ve to work, Rye.”  Gavin whines softly but his head is already flopping to the side, rolling loose on his neck and losing the strength to hold itself up.

“You’ll only make mistakes in this state.” Ryan tells him gently, carefully attempting to take the can from the younger man’s grasp and place it back in the door.

Gavin’s having none of it, making childish moans and groan as he tries to retake the can from the fridge. Ryan’s hands are stronger but nonetheless he tries to bat them away. It doesn’t work as Gavin’s arms are easily pinned behind him to his sides in his exhausted state.

“Remember what happened last time you were tired on a job?” Ryan points out and Gavin does remember. He wishes he couldn’t. He wishes his exhausted mind would refuse to dredge up old memories.

But instead it spits them out in front of his very own eyes to relive again and again.

Gavin still remembers the gun shots and the yelling. The one and only invasion of their own home back before they gained the penthouse with its fancy security and impenetrable defences. That stupid mistake he made when he left them wide open and their location and identities traceable.

He remembers laying in his bed, back before the crew had started their relationship officially; when people were still getting to know each other, discovering who they liked and how. Back before Jeremy was even close to being in the picture. Gavin was sleeping with the gents that night. Bundled in the middle with Geoff and Jack on both sides and Gavin quite content. Ryan must have joined them later because Gavin doesn’t remember the murderer’s presence when he fell asleep that night.

It had been such a long week and Gavin had refused to sleep more than two hours at time and he never left his office if he did. When he was challenged Gavin simply claimed that what he was doing was too important to leave his desk and computer. It was only once the job had been completed that the gents were able to successfully wrestle the exhausted hacker into his bed.

Gavin had refused to sleep unless they slept with him, but the gents hadn’t exactly minded that at all.

The peaceful night was quickly cut short though, and Gavin had woken up to Ryan jumping on top of him. The air was suffocating and all he could hear was gun shots and the yells of his crew.

Working exhausted, Gavin had slipped up. He’d left their data traceable and the enemy had most certainly tracked and attacked. They invaded their home that night, attempted to slaughter each and every member of the Fake AH Crew as they slept in their beds. Or bed.

It was a failed attempt by the enemy but one that shook Gavin to his very core. The crew had causalities and wounds but there were no deaths to report. Michael had been the first to face the rivals, guns out and ready to fight despite having been asleep merely moments before.

Ryan had leapt to protect Gavin who was still suffering such extreme exhaustion he could barely move a muscle. He covered the lad with his body, shooting down anyone who entered the room with a weapon that Gavin still swears just materialised out of thin air.

The chaos of that night has forever remained in Gavin’s mind as a reminder to never to work himself that hard ever again.

However, sometimes he forgets.

Forgets that it was his own tiredness that made those mistakes in the first place.  On these nights here people are counting on him, when Burnie is texting him messages of pride for his hard working attitude, when he passes by Geoff muttering nervously about the odds of the work getting done in time; these nights are when he forgets.

Forgets or conveniently ignores is not something any of his boys have ever figured out but either way he’s up until the small hours of the morning more often than is safe. Eyes squinting, fighting sleep and running off coffee and Red Bull to keep his brain engaged, Gavin works until his fingers are barely moving, by which point he makes the trek to the fridge for another can of energy drink.

It’s where Ryan has stopped him tonight. After all, it’s not unusual for Ryan to be awake. Their resident insomniac can often be found in the living room at two in the morning. Watching TV, reading a book, cleaning his weapons; it’s all the same to him at that time of night.

Often when Gavin gives up on his office and walks straight through the kitchen, embarking on his quest for sleep rather than a surge of energy he’ll stop by the couch.

Ryan knows his job at this point. He knows to raise his arm as Gavin flops down into his lap, head on his chest and his eyes pulling closed even as he tries to stop them. He knows to place his arm across Gavin protectively, to kiss his temple lightly and hold him close.

Though just because Gavin’s come looking for rest doesn’t mean his brain is any quieter. Ryan will listen to Gavin mumble about his current job, the difficulties he can’t solve, the worries it gives him until Gavin’s voice is no more than a whisper.

On a particularly troubling night Ryan will offer his advice in a gentle tone, low and rough from tiredness though he won’t go to sleep any time soon when Gavin’s like this. If that doesn’t work he’ll switch reassurance to encouragement. Praises fall from his lips as fluid and as easy as water and to hear such words from Ryan is comforting, unlike Burnie.

Burnie means well but Burnie is expectation. Burnie is the fear of failure. Burnie is knowing he needs to give 150% at all times.

But Ryan is respect. Ryan is the joy he gets from doing his job. Ryan is knowing no matter what happens after a job, he will _always_ be loved.

However tonight is a little different because Ryan hasn’t let Gavin make his own mind up about coming to bed. He’s slowly wrapping both arms around the lad’s waist and, even though Gavin’s wondering what’s so different about tonight that it warrants a physical stopping of his activities, he can’t help but melt into Ryan’s hold.

“Ryan, you know I’ll sleep when I need it.” Gavin complains a little, trying to pull free from Ryan even if he’s not putting in as much effort as he could be. “Why are you blocking me in the kitchen?” He asks.

“Gavin, it’s been four days since you’ve slept.” Ryan tells him and Gavin catches the lick of concern in his voice, lips pressing into what he can only assume is a mess of what he’s trying to call a hair style.

“I hadn’t noticed.” Gavin admits in a sheepish mumble and suddenly Ryan’s arms tighten protectively. “Rye, I’m okay.” He chuckles softly to shrug off the wave of concern that Ryan’s body language is almost drowning him in. “Geoff popped by earlier to check on me.”

Ryan frowns.

“Geoff was out with Gus today.” He says quietly and those words have Gavin confused immediately.

“No, I definitely saw him. He came in and asked if I wanted lunch so I said yes. I presume he got distracted though because I never did get anything.” Gavin recalls with a frown.

“He left at about three this morning, came back about five in the evening I think? He was exhausted so he grabbed Michael and they took a nap. I definitely remember it because Jeremy and Michael were playing Minecraft and Jeremy moaned when Michael left so he sat on me until I agreed to play.” Ryan rattles off and Gavin’s left staring at the ground.

He shuts the fridge door, cutting off their main source of light so now the pair are relying on the glare of the city coming through the curtains to see anything at all. Gavin turns in Ryan’s arms slowly.

“I saw him… I spoke to him. I swear.” Gavin mutters a little and he’s turned from defiance to nerves. His legs start shaking beneath him but he can’t decide if that’s from exhaustion or because he’s scared.

“Four days is too long to go without sleep, Gav. Even I know that.” Ryan tells him gently. “Please come lay down.” He’s almost begging and on a normal night Gavin would have resisted. Except the idea that he’s managed to hallucinate one of his boyfriend’s so vividly has him spooked so instead the lad nods quietly.

“Alright…” He murmurs as Ryan lets go of him for a moment, though a steady hand is almost instantly on his back to guide him to the couch.

Gavin flops down as soon as the comfy cushions are in sight, clinging to himself a little and burying his head into his chest. He curls into a ball silently. Ryan carefully picks him up and sits down where the lad was previously lying, placing Gavin into his lap.

There’s silence for a while as Gavin slowly uncurls from his ball to lay comfortably in Ryan’s lap instead, head resting in the crook of his neck and his hand clutching the gents shoulder.

“I swear I saw Geoff.” Gavin mumbles every so often but Ryan just hushes him gently, a firm but caring hand stroking through the younger man’s hair.

After a long breach of words Ryan glances down to see if Gavin’s asleep but his eyes are still open, lips still moving, though sounds aren’t leaving.

“Want to talk about it?” Ryan asks as he watches wordless lips move quicker than he can make sense of. Gavin stops mouthing and glances up at his boyfriend before nodding.

“Yes.” He answers with a nod. Ryan realises he needs to ask questions to get the lad started.

“What are you working on?” Ryan probes and Gavin sighs.

“Burnie wants some information on a crew that’s been in the area for a while.” Gavin explains and Ryan raises an eyebrow.

“You’ve been working on that for four days straight? You do this all the time.”

“The crew’s like a ghost. I can’t find anything. I’m not used to working against a crew on the same level ours. I can’t get a hold on them. Anytime I find a sliver of a trail it’s gone within seconds, as though they know I’m onto them.” Gavin explains. He takes a deep breath to try and keep the words that have started tumbling from his mouth slow enough for Ryan to follow.

“Right.” Ryan replies so that Gavin’s aware he’s still following.

“I’ve been working at night in the hopes that I’ll catch them off guard. Because what idiot’s going to be sat up at three in the morning to block people? People have to sleep, y’know?” Gavin seems unaware of the irony in his words, “But it doesn’t matter when I do it. Something lets them know I’m onto them. The system wipes and I have to start again” He rambles. The pace of his words quicken and his breath seems to become short without him even realising. “And I have to present my findings and research to Burnie in the morning but I’ve got nothing. I never have nothing. I have _never_ presented Burnie Burns, CEO of the CockBite Empire with absolutely fucking nothing, Ryan. He’s going to fucking kill me and I’m going to be so fucking dead. What the fuck am I supposed to do?!”

Suddenly Gavin’s bolt upright in Ryan’s lap, his hands pressing against his head as he tries to push the panicking thoughts out his head.

It doesn’t work and all he’s left with are whimpers and whines when he tries to catch his breath.

Ryan sits up a little more. He gently rubs the Brit’s back in circles, comforting motions that are familiar and warm.

After all, this isn’t the first time Gavin’s had a panic attack on Ryan. He’s used to it now, aware of what to do, how to help the exhausted Brit calm his thoughts and his breath in tandem

“Rye…” Gavin moans as his chest heaves and his head spins. He turns back, pressing his face into Ryan’s chest as the tears come. They sting and burn, spilling through the gent’s shirt to wet the skin beneath but Ryan won’t pull away. He never will.

“It’s okay…” Ryan whispers softly, “It’s okay…”

“I can’t fucking sleep, Rye.” He sobs, “If I sleep then I might miss my one chance. But there hasn’t been a chance. There’s absolutely fucking nothing and I can’t doing anything to change it because nothing is fucking there!”

As Gavin talks he only panics more, working himself into a tight little ball of anxiety and combustible energy. He feels like he could explode at any moment, even if he is sleep deprived and exhausted there’s still this energy under his skin that makes him want to scream.

There’s a weight of a legacy on his shoulders.

Gavin Free is not failure. He’s never been a failure.

Not really.

He’s been an idiot before. A twat, even. But that’s different.

Gavin can’t face the others. He doesn’t know how to. He can’t tell Burnie and Geoff, he just can’t.

Hell, he can barely tell Jack and that man is literal sunshine

“Oh fuck…” Gavin mumbles into Ryan’s shirt as he realises that thought. “How the fuck am I supposed to tell Burnie in that meeting?” He asks, lifting his head and staring the gent in the eyes but not really seeing him. “How can I tell him? I can’t tell anyone. I can’t. Everyone will hate me.” Gavin rambles. “No one. I can’t tell anyone.”

“Gavin…” Ryan tries to interject but Gavin’s still speaking, breath coming shorter and shorter till it starts effecting his speech.

“I’ll be… chucked out… of the crew… out of the Empire…”

“Gavin.”

“I can’t get chucked out… I can’t… This is my…

“Gavin…”

“Family… my boys.” Gavin pants, shaking his head as tears burn his cheeks, the salty taste dripping onto his lips, tasting funny in his mouth when it catches his tongue.

“Gavin. Listen to me.” Ryan states and he watches Gavin’s eyes come back to him. The glaze they’d developed in their panic wiping away and the Brit actually start listening as he hyperventilates. “You can tell somebody.”

“Who?!” Gavin asks wildly.

“Me.”

“You?”

“Me.”

“How?!”

“Gavin… You just did, love.”

Gavin’s harsh breathing suddenly stops. It takes him a moment to realise he’s holding his breath in shock. He releases it suddenly, causing a wave of dizziness that makes him sag back against Ryan’s chest.

“I did…” He breathes, forcing himself to collect his breathing no matter how hard it is. Ryan’s hand is back on his back, those familiar patterns from large rough hands that calms Gavin so well.

“And you can do it again.” Ryan promises, is hand moving up to Gavin’s shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I can…”

“But only if you sleep. Because your brain one of this crew’s most valuable weapons. Let no one tell you otherwise. It knows how to do things that people in this Empire could only dream of.” Ryan tells him and finally Gavin understands. The fog in his brain that prevented him from thinking clearly at first begins to fade as Gavin listens to Ryan’s words. Because Ryan makes sense when nothing else does.

When his own brain betrays him, Ryan is always there. Whether it’s two in the morning or three in the afternoon, Gavin can count on Ryan to knock some sense into his sleep deprived mind.

Gavin knows he needs to sleep and whether it was because he refused to let himself before, or whether he just clean forgot, Ryan reminds him it’s a necessity.

He sees the irony in this. So does Ryan.

The insomniac that reminds him to sleep. To rest. To recharge the brain that he counts on.

“I’ll sleep.” Gavin whispers, his head falling forward to rest against Ryan’s chest. He whispers as though he doesn’t want the enemy to know he’s taking a break because even though knows he needs it, he still doesn’t feel like he deserves it. “I promise.”

Ryan smiles proudly. He kisses the top of Gavin’s head and buried in his shirt Gavin smiles too.

“Good, want to see what stupid films Lindsay’s recorded this week?” He asks with a grin as Gavin pulls his head back again, twisting around before settling quite content against Ryan.

“Why? We’re just going to watch the same one we always do.” Gavin points out with a small chuckle.

The mass murderer cradles Gavin carefully, holding him close to his chest as he picks up the remote, flicking through the mountain of films that Lindsay has added to the TV.

“Bridget Jones’ Diary?”

“We saw it last month.”

“10 Things I Hate About You?”

“Saw it. Actually liked it.”

“Seriously, Gavin?”

“Yep.”

“The Proposal?”

“Nah.”

“Love Actually?”

“No thanks.”

“How to Lose A Guys in 10 Days?”

“Can we give up yet, Rye?”

“Fine. 50 First Dates it is.” Ryan sighs as he flicks over to the favourites. Gavin grins happily, glancing up and kissing Ryan’s jaw lovingly.

“Thank you, Rye Rye.” He giggles softly. Ryan may be sighing but he’s hardly annoyed. He’ll watch that film a thousand times if it will get Gavin to sleep contently, mouthing along the words to the film as his eyes droop close and he drifts off. In fact he swears he’s almost half way there.

It doesn’t take long for Gavin drop off.

Gavin’s exhausted enough from the panic attack without adding on four days of no rest. He curls into Ryan’s chest, a hand clinging to the man’s shirt just in case Ryan was even thinking of leaving him alone.

By the time the credits roll it’s almost five in the morning. The beginnings of a sunrise are starting to form in the distance but finally Gavin’s sleeping deeply.

His chest rises and falls at a steady pace and the grip on Ryan’s shirt slowly weakens until his hand falls away. But Ryan doesn’t leave him. Doesn’t let him go.

When he’s sure Gavin won’t wake up, Ryan gets to his feet. He stretches out the best he can with the quietest groan he can muster then turns and gently sides his arms under Gavin to pick him up, before shuffling towards the bedroom door, Gavin tenderly cradled in his arms. Ryan’s long pyjama pants drag along the floor as they slip down but he can’t stop to pull them up.

Inside the bedroom the other men are piled together as usual. He doesn’t bother changing Gavin out of his T-shirt and sweatpants. He’s too afraid if the lad wakes he’ll try to go back to work.

Instead he just sets him down on the bed between Geoff and Michael.

On any other day Ryan would go back to the living room. At best he’d join the edge of the bed so he didn’t wake anyone up when he inevitably got up again but tonight he joins the boys in the middle.

Gavin’s curling towards Geoff and Michael rolls away from the sudden dip in the bed to cling to Jeremy beside him, leaving another gap big enough for Ryan. He takes his chance, skilfully clambering over the others as though he’s done it a hundred times before.

He has.

They all have.

Ryan manages to slot himself between Gavin and Michael, and between himself and Geoff there’s immediately a protective cocoon around Gavin’s sleeping form. Michael rolls over again, unable to decide who he wants to cuddle most but he’s quite satisfied once on his back with one hand in Ryan’s hair and Jeremy coming to use his chest as a pillow. Jack rolls over in turn to follow Jeremy and on the edge of the bed Ray wiggles back up to his human heater.

Gavin doesn’t wake again that night. He doesn’t wake until late into the morning, after Ryan’s cancelled his meeting with Burnie and Geoff’s cooking lunch.

But Ryan doesn’t fall asleep until at least six that morning. He’s content just to hold Gavin, but now he’s calmed the lad’s brain his own has taken off at full speed.

He’s thinking about this crew that Gavin can’t find. This crew that almost ruined their hacker in more ways than one. Ryan’s got every confidence that Gavin will find them eventually. He’s got every confidence that one day soon someone in the Fakes will be getting the mission to finish them off.

Ryan will take that job. He’s already decided.

Ryan will fuck them up.

Because no one gives Gavin that much grief.

No one puts him in that situation.

No one gets away with that shit on the Vagabond’s watch.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that. As always I love your comments and kudos and bookmarks are ever appreciated! Let me know which out of the AHOT7 boys you want to see taking care of Gavin next. :D
> 
> This was BETA'd be neocosplaycat and you can follow me on Tumblr at creeper-gavin-fic to be able to send me prompts and get updates on what I'm working on!


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